I live a contemplative life. I journal. I’ve kept a sketch book since I was 17. I have a phd therapist. I also have an attending MD for anti- anxiety meds. I’m a functional alcoholic, with a strong taste for hops and tequila. I have a strange and compulsive mental addiction to cannibis flowers. I’m chronically depressed and gender dysphoric. Gender exhausts me. All gender feels like performance, but when I cross the line from my given gender I feel strangly free. All of a sudden I am comfortable enough to be myself. I read recently that someone felt like being a girl was fake, and being a boy was fake too but felt more comfortable. After having officially switched my gender from feminine man to average to slightly butch woman, I realize that taking that jump was necessary to really going all the way to being free to express myself no matter how I may feel. I would not conform to anyone’s stereotype.