I have nearly lost the ability to care. My life feels like it is at a dead end, but that is perhaps because I have higher aspirations than is reasonable.
When the sea shell sings sweetly by
The soft shore of your ear,
That is when you will hear in sooth.
Wanting without the possibility of satisfaction.
For years, I would get up in the morning and be miserable because I wanted a female body, but was stuck in a male body. As I have transitioned to living as a woman full time, and my body slowly shifts to being more feminine this pain of want slowly lessens. It lessens from all areas except the nether region.
In my mind I can feel the female genitalia between my legs. My PC muscles tighten. I squeeze where I long to feel my lover inside me.
It is strange. It is as if my mind has a body map that is doubled up where my shame a source of anguish reside..
It is strange. It is as if my mind has a body map that is doubled up where my shame a source of anguish reside.
I am stuck with an empty feeling today. It is like the feeling that one wishes to cry, but tears will not come. I suspect this maybe due to the large quantity of tears that fled me last night. So now I feel the wind pass through me, as if I were a ghost. Cold, empty, sorrow hums at a medium ebb.
I suppose this is the emptiness that is truly lacking, like a piece missing. Wish it were that happiness felt when all is fully empty, like a lens, softly clearing all perception from conception.
I fear Dusty drifting away, yet perhaps I am paranoid.
I fear that my body will be a source of irritation for the rest of my miserable little life. I wonder if it would be possible for me to be happy with myself.